Modern day family dynamics have changed quite a bit over the decades. There has been a big shift in overall morals and also morale. 20, 30, 40, 50 years ago, the divorce rate was much much lower. Of course, some couples may have been unhappy but married out of normalcy. Regardless, they put on a front and saw it through. Not only did the average couple stand for tradition when it came to their relationship, but they stood for tradition when it came to their children. Many kids in previous generations grew up with both parents in the picture. Unfortunately, things are very different for many kids that grow up today. There are broken families and single parents all over the place. While many times this turns out fine, there are times when mommy or daddy issues arise for the girl or boy who misses out on quality time spent with both parents. I can attest to this.
Growing up, my dad wasn’t around. I’ll leave it at that. It’s fine now, but at almost thirty, I am still working it all out in my head. I can only speak to my situation but there is an awful lot of doubt and wonder when a parent that is able is absent. I think the biggest implication for me was having low self-confidence. I often thought that if I were worth it, maybe I’d have both parents. What a terrible way to think. Moving past these types of feelings is critical but also very hard. Negative feelings seem to snowball. Note: so do positive ones!
From the get go, I was on the fast track to becoming an adult. This certainly taught me responsibility but it also taught me to have such work ethic that I found myself more eager to please others, like my boss or customers, than myself. It’s taken me until very recently to realize that there comes a time when balance is ok in this area. I have learned that staying on my toes is a good thing, because confidence can cross over to cockiness quickly, but knowing my value is also so super important. Not only is it a confidence boost, which will ultimately fuel me to be more awesome at work, but also it will convince those around me at work that I got this. Doubt often causes hesitation and anxiety. We don’t have time for that.
Parenting definitely caused a shift for me. I knew that I wanted to raise strong secure kids. I had to learn to be the example. It started with me watching what I said about myself out in the open. Every so often, I would slip and call myself fat or critique something about myself (still slip), but I was definitely more mindful. As my girls have gotten older, it’s become easier for them to pick up on things. They can feel out when I’m being genuine. This made me realize that not only do I have to fake it but also I have to make it. So, that has been my goal. I want to be the person that I hope they will become. Of course, I want them to be awesomely themselves in their own perfect ways but I want to set the stage for the fundamentals.
When it comes to a relationship, confidence is everything. Not feeling good leads to all sorts of problems. Insecurity, jealousy, intimacy issues, imbalance, clinginess, sadness. You name it. Self-confidence issues often lead to the demise of a relationship. So how to get through it? Well, the simple answer is you do you. The long answer is you figure you out…and then you do you. One of the things I have had to remind myself of is the fact that before my significant other, there was just me. I was able, had my own interests, and I was strong.
As we become interdependent, it’s hard to imagine life without our second half. While we should be positive that we will always have that person by our side, we should remember and appreciate our abilities as an independent person. Also, we should support them to do the same. This seriously SERIOUSLY takes a weight off. It allows many of the fears that are associated with the idea of “life after tragic break up” to diminish. Tip. When you are not as clingy, radiate confidence, and take the energy that you would spend being crazy on bettering yourself, your special someone will be more attracted than ever!
One of many focuses for me this year has been to pamper myself and give me attention like I would those I love. I have also slowed down to control my thoughts in an effort to know my worth and appreciate it. Work in progress. The thing is, regardless of what my life was once like, I have all the tools in the world to be whole now. Believing that and working towards better is so empowering.
Note: insecurity and self-esteem can generate from many sources, not always upbringing or parenting issues. For any man, woman or child, insecurity is a real big thing. We should bring it out from under the rug and begin to mold it into something productive and healthy. Know. your. worth.
P.S. If you haven’t already, check out Thrive Market. Currently, Thrive is offering 25% off and free shipping! Health food delivered. Fantastic!