you are in control. promise.

Airy. Happy. Weightless. Bliss.

Lately I have noticed that my attitude has been pretty crummy. I have been a bit of a pity party. Usually when this happens, I am quick to check myself and get it in gear. I really don’t like to worry or stress. Who does? No but really, I have to handle it, and quick, by deciding to take action or let it go. Settling in mucky stressful worry doesn’t work for me. I guess this muck I speak of works for some because it allows them to be cruddy. What I mean is this. When you are stressed or worried, sometimes it’s over legitimate reasons that are out of the norm. This is justifiable. Sometimes, however, you decide to feel this way because it allows you to act like a victim. Then, people give you sympathy and attention, and give you a free pass to be unpleasant. We will save that tangent for another conversation. The problem with the swamp that we live in when we worry is that we can’t control anything outside of us. Bottom line. We can certainly influence it, but we can’t control it. We can absolutely, however, control how we react and how we decide to feel, regardless of what is happening. How is this possible? Well ask the man who lost his legs but still finds it in him to run marathons. We each have a choice in how we view things. The world impacts us or we impact the world.

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It’s remarkable how each day can be so mundane and then all of a sudden, something extraordinary or tragic happens, unexpectedly. Lottery win, cancer diagnosis, a positive pregnancy test after years of trying, being fired after 20 years of dedicated service, a birth, a death, a miracle, a catastrophe. Crazy stuff happens every day; we all hope for good but sometimes have to accept the bad. Many things that happen to us are uncontrollable. Shock and emotions of all sorts are appropriate and expected when something absurd happens, but then comes the time where we have to choose how we are going to continue on. This fork in the road comes at all different times, but eventually it comes. We have to decide if we are going to rise above and build or let it consume us.
One of my favorite parts of the 7 habits of highly effective people course was how much focus was given to self-realization and empowerment. It wasn’t focused on other people accepting you. It was focused on YOU accepting you. It was about character building, which will ultimately lead to better work and home relationships. It’s good; who doesn’t want to be more self-aware, right? The take away for me was that you are responsible only for you. You aren’t in control of your kids or your spouse, co-workers or the grumpy barista at Starbucks. I mean, you can certainly influence them, but you aren’t in control of their reactions. When the universe throws you a curveball, you are going to react. You might feel like crumbling because “this thing happened to you” but you have the choice not to. It may not be easy but remembering how much control you have makes stress much more manageable.

So, the next thing something crappy happens, practice your reaction. You could spend hours, days, or weeks agonizing and wasting your energy. Or, you could get through the heavy shock and then do whatever is in your control to heal from it. Try and refrain from thinking or saying phrases that give an outside element control over you. “She made me feel bad”, “My boss ruined my day and now my night is shot”, “I can’t work out because I have cramps”. How about this instead? “I am allowing myself to feel bad because of something she did”, “My night has been crummy because my boss is a royal a-hole and I let him get to me”, and “Because I have cramps, I’m going to choose not to push myself to work out”. It’s irritatingly empowering and doesn’t allow for sympathy but it does turn up the self-confidence and leads you to a happier place, because it usually forces you to take responsibility and take action to make it better. What a relief it can be. Airy. Happy. Weightless. Bliss.

You are in control. Not of many things, but yourself, absolutely.

XO

Jessie

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p.s.s. With the weather changing, my skin has been dry dry dry. I bought a few Kopari products, which are all coconut oil based. I have been using them from head to toe and have seen a big difference in my skin. Kopari products are simple and pure, just like I like them. Be sure to take a look!

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